The Kaleidoscope

“Can you help me with this coconut for the chutney? Meanwhile I will prepare the dosas.”

I checked my watch to see it was already 8.30 and it had started to drizzle outside. 
I didn’t say anything though; I took one half of it and carefully examined the inners.

What is that you are looking at? Aren’t you getting late...Mom grumped as she handed
 over the scrapper to me.

“Nothing mom, It has sprouted, do I have to throw this out or keep it?”

Mom didn’t reply. I kept looking at her from behind waiting for a word or a gesture to 
start the proceedings. After roasting one dosa, she said without turning back “
Just keep it, its no harm. Use the finer side of the scrapper”

I felt that the first sentence was ironic of my situation. In the next few minutes
 I had pulverized it to finer crumbs, just enough to make a chutney.

It was 8.50 when I went tout to check if it was raining. It was still drizzling.
 But still I could see sun coming out as I towed my sunny out of the main gate.

It was 9 and I was just 2 minutes away from the corporation ground, waiting for
 the signal to go green. Some of them recognized me barely hear them talking about me.

“She is the one who won the silver medal last year at the Asian games” 
said a wife who rode pillion with her husband.

“Its 9o’clocked”, announced a   man in his black jerkins unceremoniously
 to his friend beside and smiled slyly looking at me.

The way people treat any sports person is akin to Chennai’s weather
(cricketers are an exception). It’s too hot in the summers and way too cold in winter. 
There is nothing like moderate that one can put up with. I was more than 
getting used to this. I kept raising the accelerator waiting to pace away and 
almost instantly the lights went green.

I was already late when I reached the ground and all the girls with their parents were 
waiting to know if the coaching session would commence considering the climatic 
conditions. The ground was well drained and the sun had come out fully. The girls were 
enjoying the beautiful view of the rainbow on a clear sky as it almost ceased to rain.

I asked the parents to come after 2hrs and turned towards the kids to give them
 instructions before I could go and change. There was a newcomer with his dad 
waiting for me a few paces away from the bunch. As I walked up to them, the fledgling
 hid behind his father. He asked his son to come forward and wish me with a thambulam.

“I do it only for self satisfaction, not for money” I clarified

“It’s so nice of you, mam. You can take the fruits at least”, the dad proffered.

I took the banana(s)-there were two in one peel asked the boy for his name.

“My name is K.Rani. I’m studying 6th standard in corporation school”, she parroted
 and looked up to his father for a gist of approval.

I asked his father to come and collect him by 11 and briefed on the weekend practice 
sessions and asked Raja to join the bunch of kids.

“Listen up kids, start with the basic warm-ups-jump-up, then one leg-up and then
 trunk twisting. Let’s jog once I comeback”

I left to the change to shorts and asked Kalai, the eldest of the lot to help Rani with the basics.

I still chose to stick by the signboard heading to the ladies change room.

I could see all were hot under the collar once I was back and it took a jog round the ground
 to see everyone perspire. I looked around as I jogged, not more than a year ago I was 
sprinting in front of jam-packed audience, the scene flashed in my mind. It was hard to 
concentrate. I vowed that I will be there back again, if not for myself in the first place, definitely
 I would take these to reach there. I will do it with all my might whatever it takes, I meditated.
 These were a group of under privileged girls, 20 of them who can’t afford it. 
I got a few organizations to fund us.

“Don’t stop just as you did. When you sprint a 100m, Jog some 20m and then walk a
 5m before you come to halt. Same thing applies when you jog, walk a few steps before
 you stop. A human body is the most complicated machine. You have to understand
 how it works. It’s the same you do, when you become grown ups. Its like riding a car, 
you have to come to neutral before you stop.”

The group nodded in rapt attention when I finished.

I clapped the clapboard for the first set of sprinters for a 100m heats. All my focus was
 on the newcomer. She wasn’t that bad at all. She was just 3seconds away from Uma 
who finished first. By then the starters of the 4x100 m relay were ready on the other 
side of the ground waiting for the whistle to be blown.

It’s always a wise decision to have your best sprinter doing the starters and the one with 
the long strides to do the finishing touches. The 2 passers in between have to keep the 
momentum. The 2nd set sprinters made it over the first curve when Jaya took lead 
from 3^rd position to1sr.Their team got the inner lane. So, you always expect this to
 happen. They were coming towards me. I took a few leaps towards the fourth set final dashers.                 “

“All you people there, keep moving with your receiving hand stretched behind, move, move

Right hander baton goes in to right hands and if it’s left take it your left. Keep the momentum 
going, keep the momentum going”

I stopped when the baton was passed. I kept telling the last phrase more to myself 3 more
 times than to them.

Meanwhile I kept an eye on Kalai who was practicing for the half marathon event. 
She was not giving her best. Her thoughts were wandering somewhere. I could see
 her looking down all the time rather than looking straight. I stopped her in 6^th round 
and asked what was wrong.

“Mam…I have my, mam…I have my,” she breathed heavily.

“Easy, easy…do a breathe-in breathe-out”, I told her.

“Mam...I have my Biology class Test tomorrow and I haven’t started preparing yet”, 
she said hesitantly heaving a sigh.

Kalai was in the important phase of her academics, doing her 12^th std. I couldn’t agree more

After all academics takes top priority as you can always fall back if things don’t click in sport. 
I knew the value of it. So I let her go.Biology classes and Tests were 2 different words
 that initiated and confirmed the doubts within me.

I took a stroll down the memory lane. I was doing my 10^th std. If there was one thing
 I resisted before the evening games period, it was my biology practical on every Friday .
Not that I liked the subject more but more so because of my teacher who resorted to 
innovative methods to teach us. We had 2 periods of biology pracs after lunch and 
the last 2 periods were P.T. All were waiting for Kumar Sir, eager to know what’s up
 his sleeve this time. The topic for the day was DNA double helix .Everyone stood 
up as Kumar Sir came with a bag full of toys and placed it carefully on the table.

“It’s a Kaleidoscope Ashwin screamed from the first bench for the whole class to know”. 
Sir nodded in the affirmative. Each row was given one. We were allowed play with it for 10 min.
 It was amazing to see that with each swivel, the patters changed so quickly and none 
resembled the other. I could keep playing for the whole day. The instrument was c
ollected back after 15min of study. We were all I fine tune waiting for what 
Sir had to say about the exercise. He randomly asked a few people what they felt about it.

“Most of you gave the right answer. Let me paraphrase it for you. It has a fixed number o
f tiny glass pieces of different color which cant be broken down in to further smaller pieces .
Its the permutation and combination with which they join and the reflections from within which
 makes each pattern looks different”

I lent forward. “And this is how your DNA is formed; it is composed of smaller components 
called A, U, T which constitute the chromosome, each responsible for a particular characteristic 
of yours which you derive from your parents or ancesters. It’s the combination in which they
 fall that differentiates the X chromosome from a Y. If you receive and X and Y-its a girl.
 If it’s both XX a boy.”

He went on to explain the criss-cross pattern. Even on a Friday afternoon we didn’t feel
 bored and we didn’t realize we were in to the second period. It was when he explained 
about the basic DNA deformities and the syndromes associated to it, I had a doubt. 
I didn’t muster enough courage to ask of it in class or anyone else for that matter, even my
 parents. I knew I was in the premature stage of Turners syndrome. But I didn’t say 
that to anyone. I had best said, at least to my mother.

It was 5yrs from then, it was televised to the whole world when I failed the gender test2 days 
after I won the silver medal in the Asian games. It was like becoming a blind from a purblind. 
It felt as if I was stripped nude in front of the whole world. Let alone the fact that all the medals
 and offers coming my way were confiscated. The mental trauma, the mental and physical 
abuse I had to go through was inhuman. All my hopes were belied.

I tired to suicide a few months ago. The lady luck was never with me even when it comes 
to suicide. That’s when I realized I was destined to do something bigger. It all augured 
when some clubs reached out to coach budding talents from the sub-urbs of the city, who 
otherwise couldn’t afford it. Nothing helps you to motivate yourself than helping others. 
We started off with four kids and now there are 20 of them. And they have been my driving force.

Here, I would like to make a humble request to people all over the world. It happened to me 
a year ago. There has been cases that some athletes didn’t passed the test, only to be 
found they has lightly developed male  genitals, after the post mortem after they died.
 It happened to a woman from Africa a month ago. God forbid, it doesn’t happen to 
anyone else in future.

When you think it’s perfectly normal to use a coconut sprout for cooking. When we
 have embraced a whole lot of enhancements in genetics in the field of agriculture, 
medicine and industry. Why are you we still apprehensive when it comes to rare 
cases like mine. It’s as useless as a swell on your body. But I have the orientation, 
physique and the tenacity of a woman. I see light at the end of the tunnel as the 
national committee has offered me to under go a surgery and take part in the state
 level meet next year. I am not sure whether I would make it there or place it there but
 am more optimistic about the 20 girls I’m training right now. I’m just one swivel away 
with the kaleidoscope to set things right :)